I just cut my nipple shaving
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
