Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
