Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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