Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
