At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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