sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
