I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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