Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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