I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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