Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
