singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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