Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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