The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
