Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
