When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
