I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
