your room smells of hookers.
And success
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
