the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
