He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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