Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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