don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
