I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
