I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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