Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
