I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
