Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
