I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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