But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
