I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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