Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
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