I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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