38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
