I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
