yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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