shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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