That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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