Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
