it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
