Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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