I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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