DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
