At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
