What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
