I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
