did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
