I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
