Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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