so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
