i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
