I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
